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refactor - GRELL SUTCLIFFErefactor - HANDSOME JACKrefactor - JASON TODDrefactor - DORIAN PAVUSrefactor - DAVE STRIDERrefactor - JUDARrefactor - ADRIEN AGRESTErefactor - MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENGrefactor - YUNO GASAIrefactor - LUKE CASTELLANrefactor - JESSIErefactor - ADAM PARRISHrefactor - CLOVER FIELDmomijizukamori
GRELL SUTCLIFFE
Date: 2016-08-26 01:52 pm (UTC)Grell Sutcliffe
STATUS: Ha ha I'm not the only one assimilated with the AI anymore suckas. Which actually kind of sucks because I hate all of you and had half a mind to drive it into the nearest sun. Point is, she [CENSORED] the AI too. It's not as sexy as it sounds.
HOTNESS: 7/10
IF ONLY BECAUSE she threatened to kill me and I'm super into women that threaten to kill me. Also [CENSORED] this stupid ship full of teenagers why are you all literal children jesus christ
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Grell Sutcliffe
AGE: Unknown
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'9" | 150 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Scar from end of collarbone (left side) to right hip.
-Dual irises.
SKILLS: -Combat experience: considerable
-Spiritually sensitive
-High physical capacity (strength, speed, endurance)
-Scythe summoning
-Cinematic Record
POSSESSION: Death scythe.
HANDSOME JACK
Date: 2016-08-26 01:53 pm (UTC)Handsome Jack
STATUS: What the [CENSORED]? Dead? Either third time's the charm or I should pick up like a punch card for kickass ways to die. Because it was totally kickass. I bet.
AVENGE ME because from what I can tell I'm gonna be some kind of computer ghost. A ghost in the shell. And I'll haunt all of you. And doxx you by sending all of the embarrassing shit that I totally found in the archives because Alice is creepy to your loved ones. She watched you fap.
Also I hate anime. For the record. Shut up.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Handsome Jack
AGE: 44
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'11" | 175 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Significant facial scarring including an inverse V-shape extending from his left cheek, across the bridge of his nose, and down the center of his right eye and across the cheek. A dataport behind and under his left ear and several various scars of varying ages on his torso, with many older scars on his back. Heterochromia (blue-green), though right eye is damaged.
SKILLS: Programming, hacking, engineering, Vault hunting, corporate takeovers, dick jokes.
POSSESSION: One Hyperion shock pistol. Warranty voided due to modification for wrist-mounted design.
JASON TODD
Date: 2016-08-26 01:53 pm (UTC)Jason Todd
STATUS: I have a reference to make here about the kickass laser sword but something tells me my lawyers would advise against it.
MURDER LIKELIHOOD RATING: Like 7/10. Seriously this is that kid that would approach you in a dark alley and shiv you. This could be because I'm like 99.9% sure that he was going to kill me because his girlfriend told him to. This isn't actually an insult though since I mean, I get it. If Nisha told me to off someone, I'd kill them, their whole family, burn down their house, etc.
CLIQUE STATUS: We're a clique.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Jason Todd
AGE: 19
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 6' | 225 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: None of note.
SKILLS: Lockpicking, hacking, medical knowledge, hand-to-hand combat, proficiency with bladed weapons and firearms, multilingualism, above average observational and deductive skills
POSSESSION: Dagger
DORIAN PAVUS
Date: 2016-08-26 01:53 pm (UTC)Drunkle Pavus
[ CHANGING NAME PARAMETER. . . ]
Perfect.
FUN FACIAL HAIR FACTS: Did you know that on Pandora, having well-trimmed facial hair is widely considered a target to get your ass beaten into next Tuesday? SOURCE: The kickass soul patch I used to rock. Which a Psycho Midget tried to rip off my face. Their hands are so tiny, great for grabbing facial hair.
I friggin' hate that planet. Think if we blow ourselves up we could also blow it up too? No one would miss it. SERIOUSLY.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Dorian Pavus
AGE: 30
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'10" | 160 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Fabulous moustache
SKILLS: Mage. Can cast fire, lightning, ice, and spirit magic, with a specialization in necromancy. Ability to conjure spirits of the dead, cast protective barriers, dispel hostile magic, and fade step. Draws power from proximity to death. Otherwise, good at chess, magical theory, languages, and bitching. Also has best ass among participants.
POSSESSION: Staff
DAVE STRIDER
Date: 2016-08-26 01:53 pm (UTC)Dave Strider
COOLNESS RATING: Hell Yeah / 10
THOUGH BEFORE I FORGET seriously dude hashmaps are rad as hell but using them for an inventory system where you have to do scrabble? Crazy shit. Like you're aware so that's step one to admitting you have a problem but seriously, get that fixed. Only computers were meant to understand hashmaps. Says the AI I guess so maybe my opinion is a little weird here, but my point still stands.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Dave Strider
AGE: 16
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'10" | 150 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Various scars as a result of strife
SKILLS: Swordfighting, speed, time manipulation, sylladex inventory system, flight
POSSESSION: Caledfwlch (sword)
JUDAR
Date: 2016-08-26 01:53 pm (UTC)JUDAR
STATUS: In need of haircut. What are you, a damn war hippie?
SCRATCH THAT I answered my own question because Princess would absolutely work at Maliwan. I bet he smokes batteries. It would explain a lot. If you know what I mean.
(I'm calling him an idiot in case that isn't clear.)
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Judar
AGE: 19
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'8" | 132 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: None
SKILLS: Ice magic; lightning magic; gravity magic (flight); borg; isolation barrier. Can derive power from intense negativity. Knowledge of complex magical formulas. Napping and complaining.
POSSESSION: Magi Staff
ADRIEN AGRESTE
Date: 2016-08-26 01:54 pm (UTC)Adrien Agreste
I can't make any jokes about the BDSM catsuit either.
Or a well-timed meme about offing yourself with hilarious grammatical incorrectness.
THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. Haha I'm totally kidding it was [REDACTED] but someone make the jokes for me at least. Do me that solid.
Also I hope every teen here has the worst puberty experience possible. Ha. Age appropriate insults!
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Adrien Agreste
AGE: 15
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'7" | 135 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: None
SKILLS: fencing, climbing, piano playing, speaking Chinese, modelling, gaming, martial arts, puns, purrkour, staff-wielding, night vision, acrobatics, professional damsel in distress, walking in heels, bad luck/destruction powers
POSSESSION: Miraculous ring
MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG
Date: 2016-08-26 01:54 pm (UTC)Marinette Dupain-Cheng
TEENAGER QUOTIENT: Like 8.5 on the Richter Scale. This scale, for the record, is how likely I am to punch a teenager in the face. Since I dunno maybe it's some Earthian thing but SOME PEOPLE know what the Richter Scale is really for. FACE PUNCHINGS. Don't let anyone tell you different because they're probably a moron.
It occurs to me by the way that getting murdered by a yo-yo would be pretty much the most insulting way to die. Like holy shit. Just imagine, going about your business, armed to the teeth, and bam, NUKE YO-YO. Someone (I mean myself) should capitalize on this.
Also red is not your color. Just throwing that out there since I don't think anyone has the heart to tell you.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Marinette Dupain-Cheng
AGE: 15
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'2" | 102 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: None
SKILLS: Drawing, designing, seamstressing, yo-yoing, phone theft, parkour, creation/good luck powers, problem-solving, gaming, athletics, bullshit detector
POSSESSION: Miraculous Earrings
YUNO GASAI
Date: 2016-08-26 01:54 pm (UTC)Yuno Gasai
I did not win that category by the way. Which I'm actually not that mad about because I ended up killing the guy. Irony!
Beyond the murder thing, which, I mean, we all murder every once in a while, Yuno is also GOD OR SOMETHING? Look I don't understand like half of the shit you kids tell me. Why can't it be simple like shooting someone in the face.
BE NICE TO HER OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
Participant Information
NAME: Yuno Gasai
AGE: 15
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'2" | 108 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: N/A
SKILLS: Proficiency with weapons, notably knives, stalking
POSSESSION: The Yukiteru Diary
LUKE CASTELLAN
Date: 2016-08-26 01:54 pm (UTC)Luke Castellan
THOUGH TBH he's also another dude with a crazyass tragic backstory where I hear it explained and I'm like "everything you just said sounds super fake but I don't know enough about [insert topic here] to refute it." There are a lot of you like that. Like I thought Pandora was weird for being full of people that will literally peel off your face and eat it, but some of you make it sound like a vacation home.
Like dang.
Anyways, COOL DUDE. This is my official cool dude rating for cool people. Which Dave also gets but these stupid systems have write-protections so I can't edit my entries once I make them. That's why they have that kickass stream of consciousness thing going on. You're welcome.
CLIQUE STATUS: Ain't nobody [CENSORED] with my clique.
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Luke Castellan
AGE: 23
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 6'0" | 155 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Thick facial scar on right side of face running from bottom of his eye to his chin, scar from stab wound under his left underarm
SKILLS: Swordfighting, hand-to-hand combat, lock-breaking, thievery
POSSESSION: Backbiter (Sword)
JESSIE
Date: 2016-08-26 01:54 pm (UTC)Jessie
INSERT FURRY JOKE by which I mean do you know what's really weird? Dressing up like a latex cat and everyone just being like "okay seems legit." Which, I mean, not a full fursuit I guess but is that really better. One of them looks like it belongs in a weird sex dungeon. For shame, Jessie. For shame. At least take up being a professional dominatrix first.
Which actually even though I was joking, gotta say. Could see it. The hair could be a problem though.
STATUS: Ha ha my bad apparently dead. Probably should have checked that before populating the flavor text but I was really focused on making my jokes. But look my jokes were hilarious, so it's what she would have wanted. Or it's what I would have wanted. I am also dead so I get veto powers.
WAIT I JUST REALIZED It's cobra spelled backwards what the [CENSORED]
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Jessie
AGE: 26
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'8" | 120 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: Naturally Flawless, Extremely Gorgeous
SKILLS: Hot Air Balloon Piloting, Yelling, Fighting, Pokémon, Breaking and Entering, Surveillance, Espionage, Costumes and Make-up, Machines, Dancing, Acting
POSSESSION: Arbok
ADAM PARRISH
Date: 2016-08-26 01:55 pm (UTC)ADAM PARRISH
I BLAME ALICE. (As usual)
Also I'm not up on my crazy genus languages but I'm at least 99% sure that the stuff in Latin during that trial about Fiona was some snarky comment so please decipher for the non-Latin speaking masses please and thanks. Or respond wittily in Latin. Also acceptable. Think I could steal Alice's Latin language setting? Bet she totally has one.
OS ET LABRA TIBI LINGIT, MANNEIA, CATELLUS: NON MIROR, MERDAS SI LIBET ESSE CANI.
Which, by the way, is not at all directed at Adam. But is hilarious. Good luck deciphering that, suckas
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Adam Parrish
AGE: 18
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5'11" | 130 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: A few faded scars on torso
SKILLS: Genius intelligence, excellent mechanical capabilities, proficient in Latin, ability to sense magical energy, ability to scry and perform tarot readings, friend of trees]
POSSESSION: Hand lotion
CLOVER FIELD
Date: 2016-08-26 01:55 pm (UTC)Clover Field
BUNKERS AND BADASSES CLASS: Definitely warrior. PUNISHER. She's like. Four feet tall. But swings around an axe and a scythe as big as she is. Hilarious. I think I made a character build like this for once for fun.
I mean some stupid nerd made a build.
Haha who even plays fantasy roleplaying games. That's so stupid.
STATUS: I mean I always assumed "cold" as a general role because fur doesn't actually make a bikini warmer. You could call it a Furkini but that sounds really weird and like something you'd read about in Cosmo and go "if you ever try and do that to me we're breaking up."
ARCHIVED PROFILE:
NAME: Clover Field
AGE: 19
HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 4'9" | 94 lbs
BODY MARKINGS: N/A
SKILLS: Basic combat and agility training, random trivia, jumping and running in heels, capable of rapping any Nicki Minaj verse on command, yelling, amateur espionage, morphogenetic field sender
POSSESSION: Injection gun of tubocurarine