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[refactor]

sector manager HANDSOME JACK

✉ ☏ 📷

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[kirkwalled]

My PARTNER who I take out WARRANTS with. Yes, we're definitely dating. Because warrants are great first dates, sure?

Spoiler alert, they're not. That's not my brand of romance.

Anyway, thanks for your concern, MOTHER, but I think I can deal with whoever I'm sleeping with quite fine. No need to spill my business everywhere. I mean, it's not as if I ask you who you're shacking up with or trying to woo, do I? I joke, but I never push you about anything!

[kirkwalled]

[ She is... absolutely too drunk to get up from the couch and take the bottle again. Instead, she stretches out like a cat as her laughter settles, feeling a soothing lull of a really good boozing take her under. Her head's a little fuzzy and her inhibitions are lowered but hey, she's good. For now, she is going to grab one of these couch pillows and cuddle the fuck out of it too. ]

If you're going to whine about this, I can -- I don't know. I'll steal some supplies, send 'em back your way. Then you can make it all over again! Could sell it again for double, huh.

[ Her eyes open again and she watches Jack for a bit, stroking fingers through the soft fabric of the pillow. At least she's enjoying herself, you know? That's what it's all about. Even if Jack is busy throwing a fit. ]

The way you complain about the Company... Maker, you should've just been a Killjoy or something. Haha. Imagine, we could've done warrants together! So much fun. I would've liked that.

[refactor]

okay first of all it doesn't sound like that bad of a date.
like what's not to like about putting bad people where they you never nevermind

[ the backspace button is for quitters ]

I'm not pushing?????? I only asked for a name and if you were dating him! you ask ME way more than that. the last chick I mentioned you asked me to rate her tits "for scientific purposes". I didn't ask you to rate his dick

also now that I've put the idea in your head: don't

[kirkwalled]

[ hawke: > tries to turn this conversation into something less shitty
hawke, a few moments later: > tanks it into the core of the earth ]

You can be violent any time of the day, Jack! Dates are when you cuddle! That's simple logic!

And I wanted to know about her tits! I didn't want to know about her as like, a person. Or if you felt anything for those tits. I didn't think you did, actually, but if you're saying I should've asked about your feelings for those tits, I guess I will!

Suck it up, loser! His dick is alright, a 7 out of 10, I'd say. Maybe more but usually I keep those ratings for people I actually see a future with. His dick is fairly futureless.

[refactor]

[ Her suggestion gets him to frown slightly, but it also calms him from getting upset at least slightly. Jack looks at Hawke, but his frown just deepens after he considers it, and he shakes his head. ]

Almost was. But they don't really like the whole personal side-projects thing, so that wasn't gonna work.

[ It's a rare personal moment and one that's honest, but it's also so brief and vague that it could be easily overlooked for its importance. Jack really had considered it when he had first tried to hire a Killjoy himself, but he didn't have the money for it. But the neutrality they were bound to had kept him away. That was the part he could never commit to, and he knew it. His passions were too easily sparked, and he had too much ambition to ever be satisfied sitting in the middle of the road watching people use him for their own gain.

So, instead, he had decided to take on a position where he would be able to use them. Buying a warrant was still too expensive for him, but he could easily justify the Company's dime for it now.

He walks back towards the couch where Hawke has taken up residence and sits next to her, since continuing to stand over her like a disappointed parent was weird. Weirder than sitting next to her. He thinks? God. He hates his feelings. It's why he pointedly ignores the idea that Hawke might have liked to work with him, and instead focuses back on Hawke stealing his shit. ]

...But okay. Fine. Maybe. You steal me some good stuff and maybe it'll be more okay. Not completely, because it's not- I'm not whining, screw you, but seriously, what if I'm not done with something?

[kirkwalled]

[ That -- that was a much more serious of a response than she was expecting and she blinks, surprise on her face as she tries to parse out his words. There's another layer there, she knows, and her eyes stick to him as he moves over to sit on the couch with her. Her curiosity is enough to get her to sit up properly, pushing the pillow away and stare at him with open concern on her face.

But it's still Hawke and she's affectionate and still too drunk to sit upright so instead she sways a little before drooping down to drop her head against his shoulder. ]

Sometimes -- sometimes being neutral, it's a good thing. There was a -- a war. Back home. Civil war, my fault. Can't go back. So, here it's nice, not having to pick a side. You're all about sides though, eh, Jackie Boy?

[ And there's Hawke -- still an asshole, despite trying not to be an asshole for a moment. She ends up letting out a laugh and closing her eyes, tapping restless fingers against Jack's knee. She's both very sleepy and incredibly wired now and the high of giving Jack shit is wearing off so she'll probably pass out soon. Still, #worthit so she's not really too bothered. ]

You're always done with what I take. I'm not a complete jerk, I pay attention. And -- I am definitely about to fall asleep here. You should stay and nap with me.

[refactor]

but what about violence and THEN cuddling like that's an ideal day. kick someone's ass and then make out about it later?? or cuddle. or both?

ok both of those answers are 1) hilarious 2) bad so fine. putting it in your words her tits were also futureless so that's why I didn't work out

[kirkwalled]

Oh, yeah. That is a really good date! As long as it ends in the cuddling and my date partner making dinner for me too. This girl I was seeing once, she liked to cook and was an expert at cuddling. It was very attractive.

Also, you suck. You genuinely suck and I hate you. How can tits be futureless? You're terrible.

[refactor]

[ Jack glances at her long enough to see that open look of concern, but he waves it off with an almost stammer. That's not quite what it is, more that little verbal tic of Jack's where his words aren't quite keeping up with the speed of his train of thought, but it shows just how quick he is to try and dismiss it. ]

I- I mean, yeah, gotta be. It's— I dunno. You don't talk about home for you any more than I talk about growing up in this craphole, but- But, I dunno. Maybe it's similar. Hard to not take a side.

[ He waves his hand a bit more vigorously, and it's clear that this is a somewhat awkward subject for him. Even that bit is more honesty than he would give to most, but it's still something he's guarded about. His ambition is dangerous, and his past that drove him to it was uncomfortable, so he's trying to avoid it. Luckily, that's easy with Hawke. She doesn't ask too many questions, and he's always liked that about her.

Though to her offer, it gets the wave of his hand to at least stop. He looks at her with a bit of surprise, since hell yeah he'd like to cuddle, but— Is that even what she's asking? Probably not. So he has to deflect with being a shithead. ]

Didn't you just friggin' wake up?

[kirkwalled]

[ And that's... it! It's almost hilariously simple how their conversations go whenever they lead to something that neither of them wants to discuss. Hawke feels queasy enough by what she shared, it lingering too close to the truth and if she was sober and less comfortable, she wouldn't have said even the little she gave.

So, she listens to his response, nods in understanding and lets herself mull over what might be for just a moment -- and then she stops. This isn't what either of them wants, she knows, so she won't push towards any discovery. Her response is a simple squeeze to Jack's knee, a nonverbal I get it.

(Which is the awful part for Hawke, much later on. She'll discover the other part of Jack that isn't this -- isn't their awkward similarities that make her delight in the friendship. No, it's that dangerous part that she can't in good conscience abide.)

Still, moment over, she grins cheerily and turns her face to press it into his shoulder. She nods in affirmation to his question and lets out a short laugh. ]

I drank too much of your expensive booze and since you wouldn't get me water, [ The problem that started all of this!! ] I'm going to drunk nap on your couch and also cuddle you, if you're not a baby about it.

[ Platonic cuddling! A Hawke specialty, even if she's still completely unaware of the fact it's not so platonic for him. ]

[refactor]

oh. yeah you've got a point that's pretty much the ideal date night. never thought about the cooking part but yeah that's a cherry on top kind of thing

[ as jack notes all of this ]

I'M terrible? you started it!! how can a dick be futureless????

[kirkwalled]

[ (Jayden Smith voice) One day, Hawke will realize. ]

Then that's probably why you're single, Jack.

[ Js!! ]

Because you know you're not going to want to settle down with that dick! You're not going to want to tell that dick your hopes and dreams! Marrying that dick is totally out of the question and I don't know about you, Jack, but I would like to get married one day.

[refactor]

I could say the same thing about tits!! especially her tits!! she was crazy hawke like restraining order level crazy

even if her tits were great

ugh why was she crazy

[ There's slightly more of a pause before the next text. It's... awkward, because he realizes that maybe he should have told her this before, but at the same time, it's not really a point of conversation he likes to bring up. He could still easily avoid it, but that moment of awkwardness makes him decide that maybe he should be the one to bring it up. That's always something that he's liked about Hawke. She doesn't go digging into his past to find out more of who Handsome Jack is. ]

yeah would like to slash already have been

[ but you know keep it casual ]

[kirkwalled]

Maybe you just attract crazy women? It could be a you thing.

[ And then he throws that curveball at her and Hawke just has a very wild moment of staring at her PDD with a blank expression. What. It's actually kind of startling a feeling because even though she rarely asks him anything, she did feel very secure of her knowledge of who Jack is as a person. This is kind of a new one for her. ]

You know drive-thru chapels don't count as an actual marriage, right?

[refactor]

[ Were this anyone else, Jack would probably stop the conversation right here. He's sensitive, and that's not news to anyone that gets to know him, but this is something he's especially sensitive about. As such the joke gets him to bristle, since it's a bit more barbed than Hawke intends. He even knows that, but it doesn't make him any less upset (because he's a baby). ]

yeah I'll just stop you right there before you make any more jokes. she's dead

fuck you for doing this to me WHY IS HAWKE SO STUPID

[kirkwalled]

[ Well, joking sure missed the mark and this is admittedly kind of uncharted territory for her. She thought maybe divorce, certainly not death, and thinking back to how broken her family became after Malcolm's passing isn't an easy thing for her to do.

So, now Hawke's no longer dicking around with her texting and actually trying to figure out what to say. Fucks sake, Jack!! She didn't mean to unlock your tragic backstory. ]

I'm sorry for your loss. If she was anything like you, I'm sure she was fantastic.

[ And Hawke genuinely means it!! Jack's her friend and she cares for him quite a lot and if Jack loved someone like she wagers he loved his wife, then that truly is sad. ]

Are you sure you want to talk about this with me?

[ Since Hawke still pretty much sees herself as the worst person to ever talk about anything emotional with. She knows she's going to fuck this up, okay. ]

HAHAHA!!

[refactor]

[ It's not quite the response Jack expects, but that's largely because of the kind of person Jack is. He's so deeply paranoid that even the idea of someone being nice or sympathetic to him feels... odd. It's a strange thing to see that kind of kindness, and it almost makes him feel uncharacteristically tongue-tied. As such, he's glad that this is taking place over text, as odd as that is in itself. ]

She was. They both were. Which I guess kind of sorry I didn't mention it but not exactly a topic of conversation I'm super partial to

[ Which would seem like a "no, I don't," but after a minute, there's another message: ]

We were married for almost ten years. Had a daughter together.