My PARTNER who I take out WARRANTS with. Yes, we're definitely dating. Because warrants are great first dates, sure?
Spoiler alert, they're not. That's not my brand of romance.
Anyway, thanks for your concern, MOTHER, but I think I can deal with whoever I'm sleeping with quite fine. No need to spill my business everywhere. I mean, it's not as if I ask you who you're shacking up with or trying to woo, do I? I joke, but I never push you about anything!
okay first of all it doesn't sound like that bad of a date. like what's not to like about putting bad people where they you never nevermind
[ the backspace button is for quitters ]
I'm not pushing?????? I only asked for a name and if you were dating him! you ask ME way more than that. the last chick I mentioned you asked me to rate her tits "for scientific purposes". I didn't ask you to rate his dick
also now that I've put the idea in your head: don't
[ hawke: > tries to turn this conversation into something less shitty hawke, a few moments later: > tanks it into the core of the earth ]
You can be violent any time of the day, Jack! Dates are when you cuddle! That's simple logic!
And I wanted to know about her tits! I didn't want to know about her as like, a person. Or if you felt anything for those tits. I didn't think you did, actually, but if you're saying I should've asked about your feelings for those tits, I guess I will!
Suck it up, loser! His dick is alright, a 7 out of 10, I'd say. Maybe more but usually I keep those ratings for people I actually see a future with. His dick is fairly futureless.
Oh, yeah. That is a really good date! As long as it ends in the cuddling and my date partner making dinner for me too. This girl I was seeing once, she liked to cook and was an expert at cuddling. It was very attractive.
Also, you suck. You genuinely suck and I hate you. How can tits be futureless? You're terrible.
oh. yeah you've got a point that's pretty much the ideal date night. never thought about the cooking part but yeah that's a cherry on top kind of thing
[ as jack notes all of this ]
I'M terrible? you started it!! how can a dick be futureless????
[ (Jayden Smith voice) One day, Hawke will realize. ]
Then that's probably why you're single, Jack.
[ Js!! ]
Because you know you're not going to want to settle down with that dick! You're not going to want to tell that dick your hopes and dreams! Marrying that dick is totally out of the question and I don't know about you, Jack, but I would like to get married one day.
I could say the same thing about tits!! especially her tits!! she was crazy hawke like restraining order level crazy
even if her tits were great
ugh why was she crazy
[ There's slightly more of a pause before the next text. It's... awkward, because he realizes that maybe he should have told her this before, but at the same time, it's not really a point of conversation he likes to bring up. He could still easily avoid it, but that moment of awkwardness makes him decide that maybe he should be the one to bring it up. That's always something that he's liked about Hawke. She doesn't go digging into his past to find out more of who Handsome Jack is. ]
Maybe you just attract crazy women? It could be a you thing.
[ And then he throws that curveball at her and Hawke just has a very wild moment of staring at her PDD with a blank expression. What. It's actually kind of startling a feeling because even though she rarely asks him anything, she did feel very secure of her knowledge of who Jack is as a person. This is kind of a new one for her. ]
You know drive-thru chapels don't count as an actual marriage, right?
[ Were this anyone else, Jack would probably stop the conversation right here. He's sensitive, and that's not news to anyone that gets to know him, but this is something he's especially sensitive about. As such the joke gets him to bristle, since it's a bit more barbed than Hawke intends. He even knows that, but it doesn't make him any less upset (because he's a baby). ]
yeah I'll just stop you right there before you make any more jokes. she's dead
[ Well, joking sure missed the mark and this is admittedly kind of uncharted territory for her. She thought maybe divorce, certainly not death, and thinking back to how broken her family became after Malcolm's passing isn't an easy thing for her to do.
So, now Hawke's no longer dicking around with her texting and actually trying to figure out what to say. Fucks sake, Jack!! She didn't mean to unlock your tragic backstory. ]
I'm sorry for your loss. If she was anything like you, I'm sure she was fantastic.
[ And Hawke genuinely means it!! Jack's her friend and she cares for him quite a lot and if Jack loved someone like she wagers he loved his wife, then that truly is sad. ]
Are you sure you want to talk about this with me?
[ Since Hawke still pretty much sees herself as the worst person to ever talk about anything emotional with. She knows she's going to fuck this up, okay. ]
[ It's not quite the response Jack expects, but that's largely because of the kind of person Jack is. He's so deeply paranoid that even the idea of someone being nice or sympathetic to him feels... odd. It's a strange thing to see that kind of kindness, and it almost makes him feel uncharacteristically tongue-tied. As such, he's glad that this is taking place over text, as odd as that is in itself. ]
She was. They both were. Which I guess kind of sorry I didn't mention it but not exactly a topic of conversation I'm super partial to
[ Which would seem like a "no, I don't," but after a minute, there's another message: ]
We were married for almost ten years. Had a daughter together.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2017-03-31 06:35 pm (UTC)because you've never called anyone your PARTNER before
like yeah sure know you've uh got a healthy libido but that's different
no subject
Date: 2017-03-31 06:46 pm (UTC)Spoiler alert, they're not. That's not my brand of romance.
Anyway, thanks for your concern, MOTHER, but I think I can deal with whoever I'm sleeping with quite fine. No need to spill my business everywhere. I mean, it's not as if I ask you who you're shacking up with or trying to woo, do I? I joke, but I never push you about anything!
no subject
Date: 2017-03-31 08:45 pm (UTC)like what's not to like about putting bad people where they you never nevermind
[ the backspace button is for quitters ]
I'm not pushing?????? I only asked for a name and if you were dating him! you ask ME way more than that. the last chick I mentioned you asked me to rate her tits "for scientific purposes". I didn't ask you to rate his dick
also now that I've put the idea in your head: don't
no subject
Date: 2017-03-31 08:53 pm (UTC)hawke, a few moments later: > tanks it into the core of the earth ]
You can be violent any time of the day, Jack! Dates are when you cuddle! That's simple logic!
And I wanted to know about her tits! I didn't want to know about her as like, a person. Or if you felt anything for those tits. I didn't think you did, actually, but if you're saying I should've asked about your feelings for those tits, I guess I will!
Suck it up, loser! His dick is alright, a 7 out of 10, I'd say. Maybe more but usually I keep those ratings for people I actually see a future with. His dick is fairly futureless.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-04 08:59 pm (UTC)ok both of those answers are 1) hilarious 2) bad so fine. putting it in your words her tits were also futureless so that's why I didn't work out
no subject
Date: 2017-04-04 09:42 pm (UTC)Also, you suck. You genuinely suck and I hate you. How can tits be futureless? You're terrible.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-07 02:15 pm (UTC)[ as jack notes all of this ]
I'M terrible? you started it!! how can a dick be futureless????
no subject
Date: 2017-04-07 04:37 pm (UTC)Then that's probably why you're single, Jack.
[ Js!! ]
Because you know you're not going to want to settle down with that dick! You're not going to want to tell that dick your hopes and dreams! Marrying that dick is totally out of the question and I don't know about you, Jack, but I would like to get married one day.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-10 02:00 am (UTC)even if her tits were great
ugh why was she crazy
[ There's slightly more of a pause before the next text. It's... awkward, because he realizes that maybe he should have told her this before, but at the same time, it's not really a point of conversation he likes to bring up. He could still easily avoid it, but that moment of awkwardness makes him decide that maybe he should be the one to bring it up. That's always something that he's liked about Hawke. She doesn't go digging into his past to find out more of who Handsome Jack is. ]
yeah would like to slash already have been
[ but you know keep it casual ]
no subject
Date: 2017-04-11 04:50 pm (UTC)[ And then he throws that curveball at her and Hawke just has a very wild moment of staring at her PDD with a blank expression. What. It's actually kind of startling a feeling because even though she rarely asks him anything, she did feel very secure of her knowledge of who Jack is as a person. This is kind of a new one for her. ]
You know drive-thru chapels don't count as an actual marriage, right?
no subject
Date: 2017-04-11 07:33 pm (UTC)yeah I'll just stop you right there before you make any more jokes. she's dead
fuck you for doing this to me WHY IS HAWKE SO STUPID
Date: 2017-04-11 07:50 pm (UTC)So, now Hawke's no longer dicking around with her texting and actually trying to figure out what to say. Fucks sake, Jack!! She didn't mean to unlock your tragic backstory. ]
I'm sorry for your loss. If she was anything like you, I'm sure she was fantastic.
[ And Hawke genuinely means it!! Jack's her friend and she cares for him quite a lot and if Jack loved someone like she wagers he loved his wife, then that truly is sad. ]
Are you sure you want to talk about this with me?
[ Since Hawke still pretty much sees herself as the worst person to ever talk about anything emotional with. She knows she's going to fuck this up, okay. ]
HAHAHA!!
Date: 2017-04-11 11:09 pm (UTC)She was. They both were. Which I guess kind of sorry I didn't mention it but not exactly a topic of conversation I'm super partial to
[ Which would seem like a "no, I don't," but after a minute, there's another message: ]
We were married for almost ten years. Had a daughter together.