week 7 - sometime when jack is less deda

[refactor]

[ The first time Jack wakes up, it doesn't occur to him. There are much more pressing matters at hand*, and so, Jack doesn't call out to Alice the first time. He's taking care of himself first, just staying alive first and foremost, but the second time--

The second time, there's much more time to think. So much had happened over this past week as a whole, though it was concentrated very unfortunately in the time where Jack couldn't leave. He'd learned a lot in Rhys's ranting, but none of it was welcome. In fact, it had taken a lot of self-control to not call Alice right there and demand an explanation. Maybe that's where all his self-control had gone, expended on keeping secrets instead of controlling his own rage.

Jack sits up in the medbay (or wherever the fuck the super injured people went leave me alone), and making sure no one is here first, he calls out with a tired laugh in his voice. ]

Hey, Alice. You and me, we need to talk again.

Comments

[al2955]

I suppose my feelings would best be described as 'neutral'. The project can continue with or without this, though I suspect it will be of mutual benefit for the both of us in the end.

And you, Jack? You have had several days to ruminate.

[refactor]

Neutral? [ He laughs, brief, but humored. ] You gotta be kidding me, you've got your chance for human experience or whatever the hell you were talking about earlier, and the best you've got is "neutral." Man-- That is just. It's kinda disappointing, Alice.

[ Not that he actually sounds disappointed at all. Jack might just be talking for the sake of it. ]

As for me, you're probably about to find out, sweetheart. But, since you asked. Nervous, interested, pretty damn ready to dig into what really makes this ship tick.

[ It's much more than that, of course, but Jack isn't letting that show, or maybe his anticipation for that last part really does cloud the rest. Regardless, he steps forward. ]

So, yeah. Answer's "yes," Al.

[al2955]

Most AI aim to please. Perhaps I, instead, was programmed with an aim to disappoint. I do not know.

[ She'd be shrugging if she could. ]

Either way, I understand your response. However, there is no need for you to connect to me via your dataport. It is unnecessary. [ Immediately after saying this, Jack will feel a pulsation in his head. It's strong enough to almost be deafening. Then another comes. And another. His vision will start to blur, and with it, Alice's hologram — if she looked like lava while red, she looked like wind in this moment, wisps of data collapsing in on itself to create visual, translucent strips. ] Do not worry, Jack. It is only a whisper.

[ Jack's head will begin to pound, and he'll distinctly feel as if he's bleeding from it. He can't move, though. He's paralyzed, much like he was after the alien living inside Elizabeth was retired. Eventually, Jack's vision goes completely, but he can still feel his consciousness, but it doesn't feel centered. It's as if his consciousness is right next to him, his lucid state outside of his body.

Then he starts to see things. Perhaps seeing isn't the correct word, actually. He senses them — a synesthetic experience that encapsulates all five of his senses. They come in flashes, like brief films, or stage dramas — a masked figure pursuing a girl through a house, a monochromatic puppet show, a surreal scene of a woman's eye being severed, a woman's grave transformation, a woman embracing a predator — they all seem to make little sense, and Jack will find no connection between them.

The last flash, however, seems to continue on for an eternity. Jack sees a planet, desiccated and embittered, like a shriveled raisin. He floats across landscapes at record speed. The sky above seems broken, torn to pieces, and there is not a cloud in sight — only the stark blackness of the outside reaches of space. There is no atmosphere. Jack will feel a distinct feeling of suffocation, but he will not feel as though he will die, no — instead he only feels dread. The despair of 7 billion people.

When this ends, he is faced with a door. His consciousness seems as though it has melded with his mind and body once again. He will feel whole. Only blackness surrounds the door. It is the only way to continue on.

What will he do? ]

[refactor]

[ Unnecessary, she says, and for a moment, there's a flash of a grin that's all teeth, as if Alice had just said something that he had been hoping to hear. But whatever that was, it remains a mystery, since there's far, far too much that follows for Jack to even think about what his own goals had been here.

His head pounds, and he feels blood drip from it, he's sure that it's blood, and it makes him want to laugh more than anything else. He didn't expect that this would be easy. He didn't even expect Alice to play nicely, because as soon as she had expressed interest in wanting to experience human sensation, Jack has lost what little trust he might have put in her then. It's dangerous, after all. He knows it, perhaps more intimately than he would like to admit, because for an AI, the allure of being more than what you were was too much to resist. So he offers himself, but he thinks that she won't manage to do-- He's not sure, really. But no matter what, he's Handsome Jack, and so he'd fight against anything thrown his way without fear.

So, it's strange when there's no fight at all. The opposite, because for each flash, Jack feels each intensely as he's quick to not try and fight the sensations of each. A rational part of his mind probably wants to try and pick out the meaning in the bizarre, but the greedy, desperate part that's so much more attributed to the AI than the man he was based off of wants to consume all of it. Each experience is engrossing, but none so much as the last. The last, as it turns out, ends up being far more personal.

He sees a dead planet, and to him, it's like looking into the future. This-- This is what will happen to Pandora one day. He feels so certain of that, because no one even cares. They're all out for themselves, killing each other, stabbing friends in the back, and no one has any vision for the future. It's only what's right in front of them, and it's chaos. And this, this is what chaos brings. Pandora may be a shithole in the universe, but he's always been so certain that if Pandora doesn't change, this is the only future that awaits it. Lifeless. Desolate. Whether it's because they all killed each other or something else, it doesn't matter, and he feels the despair for all those people lost much more acutely than might be expected... Albeit in just as delusional a way as to be expected from him.

He's Handsome Jack, the man who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, even though no one asked him to. He feels it's his duty, his purpose to save the universe, because he is the goddamn hero. No matter how people look at him now, one day, they'll look back and know he was right. Even if Pandora is cleansed by fire, surely it's better than this.

Jack feels whole again, and he almost drops to his knees for the way it returns to him. It's heavy, incredibly heavy, and yet, as he always does, he laughs. It's that sort of mad laugh that verges on disbelief, since when not sure how to feel otherwise, a laugh has always come to naturally fit that gap. Jack reaches up to his face as he looks to the door, and he's surprised to feel moisture there. Of course-- No, of course he would cry. How could he not cry for that feeling? That future, or maybe someone's present? But still, he laughs as he collects himself, though one almost comes out somewhere between hysteria and a sob. His hand falls away, since there's little point in covering that up here. It's not weakness, for once.

He continues forward through that door without any hesitation. ]

[al2955]

[ When it opens, his tears are met with more moisture — to be exact, the black room he's in begins to flood with water, an oppressive wave bursting in from the ether of his mind. Or perhaps Alice's mind? It's hard to distinguish now. To separate them. Where he ends, and she begins — they had become like ouroboros, though it called into question who ruled who — the head or the tail.

Soon the room is as full as a pitcher. Jack will find it more and more difficult to breathe, and, like before, he'll be aware that he isn't going to die. It's akin to the feeling of plunging a knife into a person right as they're about to die, causing just enough adrenaline to release for them to regain their consciousness. A cruel game, like a cat toying with its food.

When Jack finally closes his eyes, he'll find himself back on the ship. Back to reality. And his hand is wrapped firmly around his neck. He might try to stop it with his other — with Rhys's, that is — but he'll be unable to pry it off.

Within his head, like an echo, he'll hear Alice's voice. ]

Every experiment needs a healthy amount of control. Thank you for allowing me this, Jack. Remember who is alpha and who is omega.

[ Slowly, Jack will find his grip — Alice's grip — on his throat loosen until it is no more. Until his body and mind is his own again. ]

[refactor]

[ Ah, this— This he understands far more. Those noble, if twisted sentiments are one thing, but if there's something Jack, and this Jack especially can understand, it's this kind of game. They're mixing together, but he fights it, even when the water threatens to drown him. He's been on the other side of this equation before, after all, albeit with less metaphor. It's why he'd had so much certainty in letting Alice in his head. He knows what it's like to share this with another person, and he knows the desperation that comes from wanting to break free. In fact, that may have never gone away, even with the body that he'd been granted here.

It's ironic, or perhaps fitting, either way. If he could have seen something of Alice's form to grab onto, it surely would have been her neck. So when he wakes and finds his own hand on his neck, he doesn't feel any fear at all. He doesn't even try to pull it off, because he knows just how fruitless of an effort that is, but he's not afraid. Jack laughs, though not for the sort of manic hysteria that almost characterizes him. ]

Hahah— That's-- Goddamn, Alice, that's a hell of a ride!

[ He shifts to sit up, still grinning and laughing, because this is hilarious. He feels nothing but genuine amusement, even if her chiding words inspire an intense desire for him to kill her. After all, he can't find it anything but funny, since there's a parallel here that he's acutely aware of. ]

Now- Now, don't be going anywhere just yet, Al. [ He's talking to her, though he knows he doesn't really need to. He could speak to her more directly, but, hey, Jack likes the sound of his own voice. ] I let you in for a reason. So-- So, why not start with the basics? How'd you get in that easily?

[al2955]

It has everything to do with this 'epidemiology' you allude to.

[ Once again, this comes from somewhere within Jack, as if she's speaking to his mind. ]

I afraid, however, that the rest of the information you seek is, as you may expect, locked. Not even I have the clearance to access it. You will, however, be capable of accessing it yourself as it becomes relevant. You may have been unaware of this, but each week, more and more information on the project's purpose is unlocked. Before, one must simply have been asking the right questions — but now you have given your body in exchange for information. I hope it is worth it, Jack.

[refactor]

[ If Jack were more self-aware, he'd probably wonder if this was how Rhys felt with Jack in his mind, but, no, of course not. The way her voice echoes in his mind isn't a surprise now, since he's heard it once before. In fact, he expects it far more now than he had when he was in the library. But still, he laughs, seemingly not cowed at all by this situation. There's no regret, not even an inkling of wondering if this was the right choice. It is. Even if he believes that to the point that it's pure delusion, it may as well be reality for him. ]

Yeah, had a feeling you'd say that, Al—

[ He laughs more, but he moves to stand instead of laying on the ground. ]

I know how it goes. I mean, you know too. I made friggin' AIs like you. Then? Then, I became one. So, yeah, don't sweat it. You talk all the pretty bullshit you want. I don't regret a goddamn thing. I am the alpha, I am the omega, but, hey, if you wanna fight about it, suuuuure, pumpkin.

[ His laughter finally calms, even though his veins are still thrumming with energy, both from what he had seen, and the new reality of who he's sharing his body with. It's something that invigorates him, because Handsome Jack loves a challenge. ]

I'll play the game. I'll find out what the hell is going on here. Because- Because your locks, your toying with people, I see that this is all bullshit, Alice. But I'm not gonna spoil the surprise. You picked me for a reason. So we're just gonna see it through together, now.