[ when he's finally able to pull it together, to gain a better coherency than he's had since... truthfully, the night that green haired brat lost his shit and he stood next to jack, grinning about it, he drags a hand over his face and assesses his new problem: death. rhys' views on an afterlife or penance or anything like that -- they were complicated and always in flux. on one hand, he wanted to believe there was something good after this, that he'd find peace at one point or another, that maybe all the bad things happening in the universe were a hand of fate instead of just a chaotic suffering. on the other, rhys knew that that was a fairly impossible dream and if it were true -- he'd already done too much to deserve anything good when he got there.
so, as he wakes and feels a cool breeze on his face, he doesn't think this is actually the end. it can't be since this is just... too simple, there was still so much going on that this had to be a kind of purgatory, right? if this was truly the end, why didn't he see anyone he knew? why didn't he see, hell, vasquez, towering large and smiling big down at him? it would be an odd comfort, in a way -- like everything he knew back home was once again valid. his rules back in place, his security in knowing that hyperion was bad, jack was bad, and he was somewhere in the middle.
instead he catches glimpses of others from the pygmalion and nothing about it comforts him. it means his rules are still in disarray, it means that jack is still... he can't be sure. the confusing slosh of emotions of the last few days still spin around in his head to a point where he has to wonder, did jack know what was inside him? did jack know that he was this monster, with such bloodthirsty goals and hollow priorities? jack had always -- he'd always had some sort of goal, knew more than everyone else did, knew what had to be done. that's why rhys idolized him and tried in his way to emulate that. rhys remembers jack when he was alive, knew with such sureness that he was someone who could grab the universe by the throat and get it to spit out exactly what he wanted. if anything, the jack rhys had in his head was just a shadow of that man and while jack died alone, the vault hunters having taken his life in their own stake of revenge, it... never really quite diminished jack to rhys.
yes, jack was mortal and was stopped by a mere bullet but isn't that the best part? that someone so human could be so great at the same time, that he could stand out like he did in a universe full of other mere mortals. he was just one man who did as much as he possibly could and should be admired for that, should be respected for that! that is why rhys could never think of him anything less than a hero, even when told otherwise.
sometimes, after helios, he wondered if the real jack would have turned on him like the AI did. maybe it was the physical, mortal jack that was the hero and the AI that was corrupted? ... maybe it was just something as simple as a fault of programming.
maybe he could fix it.
so, that's why he kept the eye. that's why despite the bumpy start on the pygmalion and knowing what he did about jack, he... still kept to his side. it was to keep him happy, to keep him calm -- that's how he justified it to fiona, to himself even, but he knew the reasons underneath. he knew it was his selfish, greedy need to look into jack's eyes and see that trust again, that same brand of affection that rhys saw only in the digital, glitching neon blue. instead this time it was physical and heterochromic. that's why rhys said yes to everything jack wanted, from simple stuff to going to the gym to just... defending him in trials when jack was objectively wrong here.
there was something in rhys that yearned for jack. not in some sort of sick, crass way -- not some sort of crush or obsession (though obsession is the only word that could really come close) but in some sort of way that, for rhys, all roads lead to jack. he isn't even sure when it started, honestly. just knew that at one point his goals shifted from be "happy and rich and powerful" to "be like jack" and that was a whole different concept completely. he just wanted jack to approve of him, to keep him close and need him just as much as rhys felt like he needed jack. this almost physical need to consume jack and what he meant to rhys just so he knew he'd have jack close to him, forever. he knew -- he knew he couldn't explain that to anyone. not fiona, not vaughn, not even jack himself because no one got it. they all saw something else, saw it as a reflection of rhys or an approval for jack's atrocities. it wasn't, it never was, and it still isn't even after helios. jack did awful things, died for those awful things, came back and did even more awful things involving rhys and he...
... rhys can never finish that sentence. he's never sure how to put into actual words what makes jack so all-consuming for him. it's a feeling more than anything else, a curl of his fingers around an empty space in front of him, a dryness to his throat and a hollow feeling in his gut. that lack of stability or assurance is a constant nagging thing until jack is there, in front of him, physical and with his everpresent smile. rhys has memorized the way the corners of jack's eyes crinkle when he smiles at rhys, the awkward, shambling way jack lumps the two of them together sometimes, as if discomforted by the very idea yet can't help but admit to their bond. he's come to understand how jack works, what makes jack tick, what jack really felt at rhys' refusal at the end there. it was betrayal to jack, there's no question about it and rhys thought of that knowledge as a weapon to use against him here on the pygmalion. he thought he'd need that weapon. he thought he'd use that weapon. it would protect him against jack, if jack turned on him again? he couldn't die, he couldn't let jack hurt him again.
he regrets using it, should've damned elizabeth with the rest of them if only to -- to...
rhys sighs, there was no way he was going to let elizabeth suffer through jack once he realized what was happening. there's the question though, what was happening? he thought jack was... manipulating her, right? making her feel like she could be his daughter (a spike of white, hot jealousy rises up in rhys at that and he tries to ignore it because the explanation for it is not something he can deal with right now) but maybe he wasn't. maybe he was looking out for her too, with the creature inside of her just like it was in rhys. he wonders what happened to her. did jack put her down for the good of the ship like he did rhys? because... of course, that must have been why he killed rhys.
rhys betrayed him by keeping his daughter's death a secret. rhys betrayed him by keeping this monster inside of him. ]
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momijizukamori
a death in four parts, part two of four.
Date: 2016-07-26 02:22 am (UTC)so, as he wakes and feels a cool breeze on his face, he doesn't think this is actually the end. it can't be since this is just... too simple, there was still so much going on that this had to be a kind of purgatory, right? if this was truly the end, why didn't he see anyone he knew? why didn't he see, hell, vasquez, towering large and smiling big down at him? it would be an odd comfort, in a way -- like everything he knew back home was once again valid. his rules back in place, his security in knowing that hyperion was bad, jack was bad, and he was somewhere in the middle.
instead he catches glimpses of others from the pygmalion and nothing about it comforts him. it means his rules are still in disarray, it means that jack is still... he can't be sure. the confusing slosh of emotions of the last few days still spin around in his head to a point where he has to wonder, did jack know what was inside him? did jack know that he was this monster, with such bloodthirsty goals and hollow priorities? jack had always -- he'd always had some sort of goal, knew more than everyone else did, knew what had to be done. that's why rhys idolized him and tried in his way to emulate that. rhys remembers jack when he was alive, knew with such sureness that he was someone who could grab the universe by the throat and get it to spit out exactly what he wanted. if anything, the jack rhys had in his head was just a shadow of that man and while jack died alone, the vault hunters having taken his life in their own stake of revenge, it... never really quite diminished jack to rhys.
yes, jack was mortal and was stopped by a mere bullet but isn't that the best part? that someone so human could be so great at the same time, that he could stand out like he did in a universe full of other mere mortals. he was just one man who did as much as he possibly could and should be admired for that, should be respected for that! that is why rhys could never think of him anything less than a hero, even when told otherwise.
sometimes, after helios, he wondered if the real jack would have turned on him like the AI did. maybe it was the physical, mortal jack that was the hero and the AI that was corrupted? ... maybe it was just something as simple as a fault of programming.
maybe he could fix it.
so, that's why he kept the eye. that's why despite the bumpy start on the pygmalion and knowing what he did about jack, he... still kept to his side. it was to keep him happy, to keep him calm -- that's how he justified it to fiona, to himself even, but he knew the reasons underneath. he knew it was his selfish, greedy need to look into jack's eyes and see that trust again, that same brand of affection that rhys saw only in the digital, glitching neon blue. instead this time it was physical and heterochromic. that's why rhys said yes to everything jack wanted, from simple stuff to going to the gym to just... defending him in trials when jack was objectively wrong here.
there was something in rhys that yearned for jack. not in some sort of sick, crass way -- not some sort of crush or obsession (though obsession is the only word that could really come close) but in some sort of way that, for rhys, all roads lead to jack. he isn't even sure when it started, honestly. just knew that at one point his goals shifted from be "happy and rich and powerful" to "be like jack" and that was a whole different concept completely. he just wanted jack to approve of him, to keep him close and need him just as much as rhys felt like he needed jack. this almost physical need to consume jack and what he meant to rhys just so he knew he'd have jack close to him, forever. he knew -- he knew he couldn't explain that to anyone. not fiona, not vaughn, not even jack himself because no one got it. they all saw something else, saw it as a reflection of rhys or an approval for jack's atrocities. it wasn't, it never was, and it still isn't even after helios. jack did awful things, died for those awful things, came back and did even more awful things involving rhys and he...
... rhys can never finish that sentence. he's never sure how to put into actual words what makes jack so all-consuming for him. it's a feeling more than anything else, a curl of his fingers around an empty space in front of him, a dryness to his throat and a hollow feeling in his gut. that lack of stability or assurance is a constant nagging thing until jack is there, in front of him, physical and with his everpresent smile. rhys has memorized the way the corners of jack's eyes crinkle when he smiles at rhys, the awkward, shambling way jack lumps the two of them together sometimes, as if discomforted by the very idea yet can't help but admit to their bond. he's come to understand how jack works, what makes jack tick, what jack really felt at rhys' refusal at the end there. it was betrayal to jack, there's no question about it and rhys thought of that knowledge as a weapon to use against him here on the pygmalion. he thought he'd need that weapon. he thought he'd use that weapon. it would protect him against jack, if jack turned on him again? he couldn't die, he couldn't let jack hurt him again.
he regrets using it, should've damned elizabeth with the rest of them if only to -- to...
rhys sighs, there was no way he was going to let elizabeth suffer through jack once he realized what was happening. there's the question though, what was happening? he thought jack was... manipulating her, right? making her feel like she could be his daughter (a spike of white, hot jealousy rises up in rhys at that and he tries to ignore it because the explanation for it is not something he can deal with right now) but maybe he wasn't. maybe he was looking out for her too, with the creature inside of her just like it was in rhys. he wonders what happened to her. did jack put her down for the good of the ship like he did rhys? because... of course, that must have been why he killed rhys.
rhys betrayed him by keeping his daughter's death a secret. rhys betrayed him by keeping this monster inside of him. ]